Friday, 29 June 2012

Accepting what we don't want to accept

In a departure from my usual postings of dresses and beachey themed gardens, I thought I would explain my recent silence.  Firstly my Nanny, died and there was funerals to attend and all that which was sad.  Then I heard the devastating news, Papa Dave's Cancer has returned.
Four and a half years ago my Dad (Known to me as Papa Dave) was diagnosed as having Mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) luckily for us the fantastic Dr's at Morriston Hospital, did radical surgery, removing one of his lungs, the chest lining, 75% of his diaphragm and a little bit of his heart membrane.  This has not been with knock on effects on his health but I have had my Dad.  Now I know in my hear of hearts that it was probably going to come back but it was still a punch in the stomach.
Dr Wonder Woman as my Dad calls her says it is treatable but not curable.  I have to admit I don't know what this means in terms of time, but it makes it more real that one day me and my Dad will no longer bounce round the room to Mr Blue Sky, that we will never go on a holiday together again, or eat elaborate feasts, wind my Mum up, that one day the funeral plans we make together on the phone in a jokey manner will be real and the only place I will get to talk to my Dad is in my head.

However I accept this as I know that one day we all will die it is an inevitable, a non-negotiable fact!  Just like I accept that my Dad will not try any of the alternative treatments, that I tell him about, that I will be sad but one day I will have to read his eulogy (yep, pops has demanded that I put my degree to some use)
So I focus on enjoying the time we have together, being a support and when he goes I know he will have a kick ass celebration of all things Dave, with hats, cheese, cigars, whiskey and the best decorated cardboard coffin you did ever see because we planned it.
As my friend Lisa Clark said on today on her all kinds of inspiring blog Sassyology: "Life is brilliant, but really shitty stuff has, is, and will still happen." and my way of looking at it is I can waste my energy being angry with the world but it isn't gonna change the facts and if I accept this I can use my energy positively to make a difference here and now!

No comments:

Post a Comment